Straight Jacket Orange
by Lost Dragon-Albarn
Summary: AU. Naruto, a recipient of so much hate and abuse, cracks at an early age. The Hokage, hoping to see the young man heal, makes him a ninja and sticks him on Kakashi's team. A wise decision? Probably not. Insane Naruto. Pairing? Maybe eventually.


I do not own Naruto.

Chapter One: The Third Gennin

Uchiha Sasuke leaned against a tree in Training Ground Seven, brooding a bit angrily about the lateness of, not only his sensei, but his supposed third teammate. His sensei had told him and Sakura to show up at five A.M.. It was now nine fifteen, and still no sign of either one.

"Where the hell are they!" Haruno Sakura, his other teammate, the one whose face he at least knew even if he didn't give two wits about her, complained. She was pacing back and forth aggravatedly, muttering under her breath about the rudeness of grey haired senseis and faceless teammates.

Were Sasuke a lesser ninja, he would be joining her. But he was not. So he did not mumble under his breath. He did not walk a groove into the ground. He didn't get upset, well, too upset, over the late arrivals.

And he did not miss the sound of something heavy and metallic being dragged along the ground.

Sasuke's head snapped in the direction of the sound. The sudden movement brought Sakura's attention and she too looked in that direction.

It was a little closer now, so they could hear a little bit more. It sounded like thick chain links clinking together.

Skriiiitch. Clink.

Skriiiitch. Clink.

Skriiitch. Clink.

Skriiiich. Clink.

Just over the top of the hill they could make out two men facing away from them, bows and arrows held taught, aimed steadily at, Sasuke assumed, whatever was making that noise.

_Skriiitch. Clink._

_Skriitch. Clink. _

_Skriiitch. Clink._

_Skriiitch. Clink._

Next they could see two more men, each one holding a three foot pole that was attached to a restraint. The restraint was wrapped around a blonde teen that had his head bowed forward, his hair hiding his eyes. The teen, other than the restraint, was also wearing an electric orange straight jacket that was securely strapped around him with several brown belts and what looked like a silver lock at the side. One his head was what could only be called the Lecter Special. A mask that covered his mouth. The majority of it was flesh colored, but the part directly over the mouth was replaced with seven metal rods just wide enough to allow the prisoner to breathe, but never enough space to allow the person to bite.

_**Skriiitch. Clink.**_

_**Skriiiitch. Clink. **_

_**Skriiitch. Clink.**_

_**Skriiitch. Clink.**_

They could now see that the young man had green pants, no shoes and two large shackles, one per leg. Attached to each shackle was a six foot chain, and on the end of the chain a beach ball sized iron ball. Behind him were two more archers, weapons ready to fire at the slightest hint of an escape attempt.

_**Skriiitch. Clink.**_

_**Skriiitch. Clink.**_

_**Skriiitch. Clink.**_

_**Skriitch. Clink.**_

Few things could render Uchiha Sasuke slack jawed. Seeing six jounin all but dance around this heavily restrained teen was just one of those things.

The two holding the bars to each side were visibly perspiring. The one on the teen's right reached up to wipe the sweat from his brow.

The blonde snapped his head in his direction and the full grown jounin man screamed like a little girl and fell on his ass, quickly scrambling away. The archers pulled their arrows back a little further but didn't fire, seeing as the teen went back to looking at the ground.

"Ichimonji!" The other bar holder snapped, "Get your ass up and release the leg shackles."

Ichimonji, the man on the ground, nodded, gathered his courage as best he could, and got back up. He took a couple of tentative steps towards the prisoner before crouching down and, with incredibly shaky hands, released the leg shackles.

When the last layer of the six layer lock on his right leg was released, Ichimonji jumped back up to his bar, grabbing it extra tightly.

The other man, nodded at his shaky counterpart and they twisted the bars they were holding a full one hundred eighty degrees. A click echoed through the suddenly silent field, and the restraint about the blonde teens waist was released.

Ichimonji, as quickly as he could, ran back to the hill they had come over. He stood between the two deep grooves worn into the ground by the giant ball bearings that had previously been attached to the prisoner's feet. The second man nodded to the archers and they followed Ichimonji's example.

The final man took two cautious steps forward and grabbed the latch on the young man's mask.

The man, Eiji Hinamori, looked at the two gennin that were watching the scene with slack jaws and disbelieving eyes and said, "May god have mercy on your souls... Cause _he's_ your problem now." The man released the latch and ran for the hill.

Once there, the six jounin, watched for a couple of seconds before shunshining away, each one of them hoping to never deal with the blonde ever again.

Still gaping, Sasuke and Sakura turned their eyes back on the blonde that stood before them.

Slowly he lifted his head and regarded his two new teammates, his bright, sea blue eyes almost glowing.

The two gennin held their breath, waiting for what the other teen would do.

A grin split his face so suddenly that it startled Sasuke and Sakura yelped before hiding behind her not so secret crush. The blonde the tilted his head skyward.

He took a deep breath of the fresh air as a warm wind ruffled his hair then fell to his back, just staring up at the sky, his grin looking rather peaceful.

Belatedly, Sasuke wondered whether this was his third teammate, one Uzumaki Naruto.

"Ke ke ke ke ke!" The teen snickered, his body shaking. It quickly grew into raucous laughter, then mad cackles, "Haa ha ha hah a heee he hah he hahaa haa he ha!" He found whatever had crossed his obviously disturbed mind so funny that he was kicking his legs in the air wildly.

Sasuke and Sakura found themselves backing away from the insane prisoner that had obviously been released to the wrong people.

The teen stopped kicking his legs, brought them to his chest, and thrust up and forwards. That brought him into a half front flip that had him standing on his feet.

Sasuke palmed a blade at this and just barely held back from throwing it. Sakura let out an actual shriek of terror.

"Hello, hello! I see you there, while I am here. But you there do not know my name, and without it there is no greeting. Without a greeting we are not comrades. Comrades we should be! I will wash your back, you wash mine, yes? Yes!" He began to advance on the two, Sakura visibly shaking with fear, "Yes, yes, yes!" He bowed when he was ten feet away, "Naruto is my name, 'Kill it with Fire!' is my game!" He straightened back up, his manic grin on his face as he looked at the two of them expectantly.

It faded after a couple seconds when the two of them just stared at him, "Well!" he barked eliciting another shriek from Sakura.

"I've given my name, you should give yours! If you don't, you'll be rude. You'll hurt my feelings. Hurty hurty hurt!"

Thinking about it, Sasuke decided, at least, not to be rude and started to introduce himself, "I-"

But Naruto interrupted him, "I know! I know, I know," He started to sing it, "I know. I know. I know, I know a secret!" He leaned in close, his eyes twitching around in their sockets, seeming to scan them, "You must not have names! After all, if you do not have names you can not tell me your name. So you are not rude, only deprived. Yes! Yes, yes, yessity, yes!"

"No, we-" This time Sakura tried, but was also interrupted.

"Indeed, indeed. It is not right! Not having names? Not right at all! A solution is needed, needed is a solution! A solution I have! I shall name you, yes? Yes!" He pointed at Sakura with his right leg, and specifically his big toe, "You! You shall be Pinkie Doodle, Lady of the Cleavage of Christmas That Never Came! A noble title. A noble name! Noble on noble, doubly so! You are a queen. I bow your highness," he bowed again, "I beg your pardon my queeny queen, Pinkie Doodle, but I have another nameless to name and many names to pick from!"

He didn't wait for her response before he was ramrod straight again, pointing at Sasuke with his toe now, "You are a sallow fellow, pale too. It is unhealthy, indeed it is, not getting enough sun. You'll get sick. Sick sick sick! So you need sun. And so your name will be Captain John Jacob Jinglheimer Schmidt, captain of the Roasted Chunky Chicken Mint Cookie! Finest vessel in the queen's navy it is! Yes! Yes, yes! I bow to you as well," he bowed again, but stood quicker this time, "And now we all have names. Names that are shared! Comrades we are.

"And now the time of Fun begins. Fun funnity funfun fun! Indeed, indeed! Fun it will be," As his speech was coming to a close, he was all but inches from touching the two of them with his face.

Luckily, before either could make any complaint or an attempt to escape, a butterfly floated by and drew Naruto's attention.

"Oooooooh! Pretty. Pretty pretty," He followed it, lightly singing, "Pretty, pretty butterfly, I watch as you flutter by..."

-+ End Chapter One

This is a little short, but, for the establishment of what this is, I think I've done well. I'll leave you lovely readers to deciding whether or not it was worth the time.


End file.
